Izza Zukhrufia

Take Every Chance, Because We're Only Young Once

Hi! So… I didn’t make a 2018’s recap-post, because as I said in my previous post, my 2018 was pretty much sucked.

Anyway, one of my 2018 resolution was to write more on the blog. I know that I ended up only wrote maybe 7 or 8 posts last year (or maybe even less?!), but I somehow nailed that resolution because I finally wrote something after went on long hiatus during my clinical rotation. And, one of my resolution this year is I want to write more, like at least one blog post per month, and it can be anything, such as ideas, thoughts, opinions or maybe even some contemplations but it has to be in English. I mean, after seven freaking years of medschool, I think my English hasn’t gotten better and that’s a shame. So let’s see how this year gonna roll.

Alright, here we go. First of all, disclaimer: I think from what I’m going to write, it will seem like I am a homophobic but believe me, I’m definetely not. I don’t support LGBTQ+ activities because my religion said so, but I’m against any kind of discrimination, bullying, or violence to our LGBTQ+ friends. I mean, for me it is ridiculous to hate people that have different sexual orientation, or gender, or skin color, or religion. If you disagree with them, let them be! They are human being and we should treat them equally simply because they are human.

Alright, so as 2018 ended, there were a lot of lists such as Best Movies of 2018, Best Songs, Instagram’s Best Nine, Youtube Rewind etc etc you get the idea. I knew that I was way behind since I didn’t watch a lot of movies last year, so I decided to looked up for Best Romance Movies of 2018 and there were some movies that I knew and I have heard like “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” and “Love, Simon” but also some others that I never knew about such as “Call Me by Your Name” and “Alex Strangelove“.

To my surprise, except for “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before“, the other three movies I mentioned are stories about homosexual. A gay teenage male trying to find out about their sexuality, trapped between society’s norm versus their own feelings, searching for their identity, and dealing with insecurities.

I’m not saying that those are bad movies, the stories and the messages from those movies are beautiful and incredibly important and the actors and casts are also brilliant in the film. What surprised me the most is just… Somehow I believe that there are “people” behind those movies who want to spread the idea of LGBTQ+, who want to “normalize” them (sorry I can’t find a better word), basically doing a propaganda.

I mean, how clever those people are! Using movies to propagate their beliefs, I think that is way way more effective than exploding a bomb, or doing long march against another person from another religion.

Somehow I feel sad because as far as I know, there are not many movies made by Muslim, and talking about Muslim. I mean, wouldn’t it be a great tool to introduce Muslim to the world. I know that I don’t have any rights to talk about it, I mean, who am I and what have I done to introduce Muslim to the world? I haven’t done much either. So it’s really just my two cents.

But the thing that makes me even sadder is here in my beloved country, people are using religion against one another, it is just sad. Hope everything is going to get better after the election.

Okay so that’s it, I hope nobody will misinterpret my writings ’cause I’m fully aware that this is still such a sensitive topics for our society. If anyone stumble upon this post and maybe disagree with me, just drop a comment below and let’s have discussion about it.

Signing off,

2018 has ended and 2019 just began. Like any other year, I did some recaps about what I’ve done and what I’ve accomplished the past year. Moments later, I found myself comparing my own self between 2017’s “achievements” vs 2018’s “achievements“.

The thing is, so many things happened in 2017. Finishing med school? Checked. National board exam? Checked. Hippocratic Oath? Checked. Traveling alone? Checked. Moving out of that goddamn city? Checked. I went through a lot of things and accomplished one or two things, and yet…. in 2018 I practically did NOTHING except finishing my internship… and well, that felt like a failure compared to what 2017 had given me.

I started to feel like there was a wave of regret, slight anger (or maybe mostly?), guilt and sadness washed me all over the place. I felt angry towards myself because I’ve wasted all the time I had… and the facts that I cannot turn back the time frustrates me even more.

I have to admit…. I didn’t know why (maybe to make myself even more miserable) but I silently started to compare myself to other people, which was a very very abusive and toxic thing to do to oneself. I mean… I looked at most of my friends and they already build their own path and I was just…. stood there in the corner of the room fucking doing nothing. I knew that wasn’t healthy at all… but sometimes you just couldn’t help yourself.

Well, I know that the wheel of life keeps spinning round and round. One day you’re on top of the world and the next thing you know, you are not. Life happens. Everyone has their own moments. So… I don’t know whether I only justified my ‘failure’ or I truly feel that way but I guess it’s okay if I only did something insignificant the past year. That’s just the nature of life, you win some and you lose some.

I guess the lesson learned from all of this is don’t be too hard on yourself. But then again, how do I know the thin line between being too hard and not trying hard enough?? Or maybe that’s just the beauty of growing and evolving. There is always another new limit to push, another boundaries to cross. Sigh.

I actually not that type of new year resolution person, but considering all the circumstances above, 2019 is the perfect blank page to be filled with, to make up for 2018’s failure. I’m going to make some resolution this year, maybe I should have put it here.

Anyway, enough with the ramblings ’cause I’ve still got lotta things to do.

Signing off,

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, self.

Not every year you’ve got a chance to celebrate your birthday walking around a beautiful city in another country, so enjoy every moment, ’cause those little moments are the ones who makes you who you are.

🍻 Here’s for passing another year and still staying sane in the middle of that chaotic life.

And here’s for another year that many many adventures await! Gosh, this year is gonna be exciting and also frightening at the same time.

Seoul, October 4th 2018

Hi! So………. I can’t believe it’s September already. June and July did fly reaaaaaally fast. August… well not so much but still, here I am, sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops, realizing that by the end of this month, I am no longer live in this beautiful city.

The past four months were so crazy. I never know that Emergency Department could be this exhausting. I know that this has to do with the super weird policy my hospital has, but I’m not gonna talk about it here. Working in the ED is actually much more fun than working in the primary health care (aka Puskesmas). Every day in the ED is full of surprises, you never know what happens next. It’s challenging in a good way, but it is also super exhausting. I usually have no energy left after working in one shift, salute to all my friends who could do double shift at a time *clapping hands* I think I learned a lot here in the ED rotation, and thanks to this rotation I know for sure that I do not want to work in ED in the future. Nope. Hopefully not gonna happen :(

Anyways, enough about the hospital stuff. I know I said on my blog post earlier this year that Bandung hasn’t quite caught my heart the way Jogjakarta did, but turns out after a year, after realizing that I only got couple days left to be here, I feel…. pretty attached. Bandung felt like such a faraway place at first, but now it feels like second home. I am so bad at navigating and reading maps, yet now I can sense a feeling of familiarity in almost every corner of the city (without even opening google maps :p). I love the fact that Bandung is way closer to Jakarta, I mean, fun events happen in Jakarta, such as The Script Concert (haven’t shared that one magical experience with you!)

I have this mixed feeling, you know, some part of myself feel slightly relieved that I finally finished this whole internship thing (even tho we know it’s still a long way ahead), and I am also super excited about coming home, I mean, I miss my family and my old friends, but to be honest, I also feel pretty sad about leaving this city and saying goodbye to my fellow internship mates. Yeah, ’cause we can’t have it all at once, right?

Jpeg

P.S : I do aware that Starbucks is sadly overpriced but I keep coming back to this Sbux Buah Batu because it’s really close to where I live (around 5 mins ride), I really like the atmosphere here, good wifi connection, and their cinnamon rolls!!! It’s too good. And don’t forget their hot caramel signature chocolate.

Zakian.

When it comes to marriage,
I think,
he has done with himself.

He has discovered himself,
he knows what his values are,
what he really wants in life,
and his capability to achieve it.

I think,
he has feel content, with himself.
He knows that he does not need anybody else,
to complete him,
because,
he is complete, with or without anybody else.

I think,
that is what makes him full of love,
because,
you can love someone so much,
only when you love yourself just as much.

While me,
I don’t think so,
will I ever be ready,
at all?