Today is 29th of December and I can’t believe 2017 is approaching its end very fast. I could not help but thinking “What have I done in the past year? What have I accomplished? Have I become a better version of myself?”
To be honest, I don’t feel like I’ve become a better person than I’ve been before. And that’s actually pretty….
sad pathetic, don’t you think?
Bu to answer that questions I’ve been asking myself objectively, let’s take a look back to the very first start of 2017.
In January, I just finished my clinical rotation ON TIME. You know.. my clinical rotation wasn’t that smooth, just like every other road it had its bumps, ups and downs. I failed my Internal Medicine examination TWICE (hahaha ketawain aja lah ini), but praise Allah that I’ve managed to FINALLY passed the examination even though it took me a very long time. I didn’t do my best on my last rotation which was Ophthalmology, but again praise Allah (cause what are we without Him, right?!), I got help from people thus my score was not THAT bad. Now that I remembered it, maybe I should feel a slight proud cause… clinical rotation was not easy. I know that MOST of my friends are those super crazy-smart-intelligent-diligent-anything-nice-you-name-it people. So it wasn’t a surprise when ALMOST everybody survived the clinical rotation and even passed it with excellency. But still….. the fact is not everyone survived, and I know my skills and my capabilities and now I think it’s not wrong to give myself a little credit for surviving through medical school.
In February, well…. I didn’t do much except focusing for the national board examination. Those days were hard indeed. At the morning I went to campus for additional lectures, then straight after that I would be at the so called bimbel, an additional lectures outside the campus. Those days before the examination day were way scarier than I thought it would be. I experienced a pretty bad insomnia back then, and I thought that was because I was so freaking nervous and anxious about the exam. I mean, what if I didn’t make it? What if I failed? Those were the days when I felt like the world is on my shoulder, and I’m really afraid that I’m gonna let my parents down (OMG even writing and remembering this sends me a chill through my spine. UKMPPD should be listed as a traumatic experience indeed).
In March, I didn’t have the chance to write about it here in my blog BUT YEAY I PASSED THE NATIONAL BOARD EXAMINATION! It was (not so) early in the morning, when I woke up to hundred messages in LINE App mostly from my fellow friends who fought together, saying congratulations to each other. I could remember how fast my heart beating when I opened those messages, how my hands were almost shaking when I made sure my name was on the list. I cried when I ran out of my room to the dining room where Mom was making breakfast. I hugged her and cried and relieved that FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY the title “dr” is now in front of my name :”)
The days after announcement of the result of national board examination were pure joy. I think those were the days after SIX FREAKING YEARS I did not have to worry about what happens next (I did worry about my internship program but at that time I thought it was still loooooong way to go ahaahaha)
I went to visit Tika in Pekalongan with Ucik, tried the famous Sego Megono original from Pekalongan and went shopping for Batik Pekalongan. We even made our way to Kebun Teh Pagilaran that located in Batang. That was such a fun trip, thank you Tika and family for the warm hospitality!
I went to Bandung to visit Zaky after the announcement, ’cause that guy’s been protesting about me never visiting him–not even once–during our long distance relationship AHAHA. I took the train to Bandung-Jogja all alone. Some people might not like it but you know… traveling alone has its own perks. My trip to Bandung and back to Jogja was a perfect timing for contemplating what I’ve done till mid 2017, and it gave me fresh perspective, made me realize that there were SO MUCH THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL ABOUT. And I thought the trip also refreshed my relationship with him cause that was the first time we had a date outside Jogja. I mean, visiting new places is always fun, rightttt?
In the end of April was Zaky’s turn to back to Jogja to witnessed my Hippocratic Oath slash Graduation Day. We were afraid that he might couldn’t make it ’cause it was near his final exam. But thanks goodness he made it! :D
There weren’t much happened in mid-2017, except for the fact that I did not have to worry about where and how I spent my Ramadhan and Eid al-Fitr. I did apply to an English class though, it was a conversation class, made myself a group of new friends there, said yes to an offer to accompany a bunch of kids from Sekolah Cikal that went to Jogja for a study trip, and assisting one of my lecturer from Family Medicine. Now I kinda regret why didn’t I get involved in more activities? I mean now I’m stuck here hahahahah -_- OH! I did watch a Korean drama for the first time though!! :)))))) It was Goblin, well because its popularity is just unimaginable :)) (and still love the drama until today :p).
In late 2017, I was haunted by a question.
Mau intership dimana?
At first I actually was not so sure. What do I really want? Do I really wanted to be away from my family and friends? From Zaky? Do I really wanted to work in such an isolated island? There are several things that changed my mind.. even though at that time I still wasn’t sure about my choice. There were multiple times when I told myself “What if I just waited until November and stayed in Jogja?” But then there were also a lot of times when I had my doubts and second thoughts… and eventually at the end of the day I just prayed to Allah….
Ya Allah, tempatkanlah aku di tempat yang Engku ridhoi, di tempat yang menurutMu terbaik untukku karena sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak. Tempatkanlah aku di tempat yang kondusif untukku belajar, yang akan membuatku menjadi pribadi dan juga dokter yang lebih baik lagi. Aamiin Ya Rabbal Alamiin.
And taraaaaaa! Here I am now, living in this big city for almost 4 month now. Liked it or not, I believe that Allah is The Greatest, The Best of The Best director and now that He puts me here, I know He puts me for the best reason :)
And I’m actually really really grateful that I decided to move out of my beloved hometown. This is my very first time trying to live by myself away from my parents, this is me trying to learn how to become responsible for myself. And living alone has become a fun and great experience so far :D It’s really up to you what you wanna do with your life, ’cause no one is going to remind you except yourself. So if something goes wrong…. well you’ve got to fix it by yourself too. I think this is a very valuable experience cause eventually I’m going to move out from my home as well, build my own family. You know I’ve never been away from my parents for a long time. Spending almost two months alone in Netherlands and Croatia certainly didn’t count!
As for my internship program, well I like it here. Being the only UGM doctor and an outsider honestly felt pretty…. scary at first. But!! It surely has its own perks ;) People at the hospital easily recognizes me “Oh dokter yang dari UGM ya?” or “Ooo dokter yang asli Jogja?”. Even the parking attendants do not have to ask which my motorcycle is cause they know already. “Yang platnya AB kan dok?” HAHAHAHA (yaiyalah, kayanya gue adalah satu-satunya pegawai yang platnya AB di RS). I get used to people called me “medhok” or “Jawa banget” especially at the beginning (padahal mereka tuh juga kalo ngomong Sunda, Sunda medhok! :)))) I met a group of stranger that feels like family now. My new friends are very nice and it is just so refreshing to learn something new from them. Jogja is so small where everyone knows everyone and meeting new faces has been really exciting! I can tell them the story about Jogjakarta, about how the city shape is square so it’s very easy to tell which way is north, west etc (they always complain whenever I start using north/east/west/south during conversation HAHAHA), about the delicious and OF COURSE very cheap food they can easily find, and a lot more other stories. I also learned a bit Sundanese language from them, learned about clinical rotation system in another uni, and many many more. I’ve got to explore this city, and even though Bandung has not quite catch my heart like Jogja did, but I like the fact that the weather can reach 19 Celsius degrees at night! (Makanya kemarin pulang ke Jogja rasanya sumuk pooolllllll).
Looking back to 2017, well I’ve actually accomplished something.
- Surviving six freaking years of medical school (thanks God I did not drop it out)
- Officially being a doctor
- Moving out of my comfort zone
Turns out 2017 is not that bad. And I know that I still have a lot to learn, because this is just the beginning.
2018 resolution? Never stop trying to be better each and every day :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!!!!
(Pic credit to https://dontgetserious.com/happy-new-year-2018/)
P.S : I know I said “today is 29th December” but I published it on Dec 30th HEHEHE
P.S.S : Told myself to blog more since DECADES AGO yet I guess I’m just too lazy. Hopefully can make it happen next year!