Don’t you sometimes think that this world is such a lonely place?
And one of the worst feeling is being with someone who makes you feel lonely when they’re the one who supposed to back you up, the one who supposed to make you feel like you’re not alone in this beautiful yet scary place, the one who supposed to make you feel at least you’ve got someone you can always count on to, someone to share your feelings with……
You start searching for someone/something to make you feel less lonely…
It keeps you distracted, and for a while, it works…
But you know that’s not a permanent fix….
My question is, how do you overcome such feeling?
I once wrote a short story–a romantic one–about a guy and a girl, who really liked each other, and.. well, you know how a romantic story goes.
I’ve never published it, (well I’ve published it in this blog under password) so no one’s ever read the story.
I really liked the story, and it’s not because I’m the one who wrote it.
I really liked the feeling I got……. Every time I’ve finished read it.
I liked it because the story was a symbol.. that for once, there were a guy and a girl, and what they had between them was real.
That, what they shared at that time was real.
That, what they felt at that time was real.
That, what I felt at that time was real.
But, seriously, in real life, how did you know which one was real and which one wasn’t?
My guess, you didn’t.
You thought what you had was real, until one day, for no reason, they stopped talking to you.
Until they stopped answering your messages and calls.
Until you saw them with someone else.
Just like that.
Without an explanation, without a closure.
You know which one is real and which one is not.
P.S: I still like the story up until today, though.
Now with me having temporary insomnia (I have no idea why I can’t sleep before 12, though maybe mostly it’s because I took an hour nap in the evening :p), I have plenty of time to blog before 12. Haha!
The title of this post is inspired by Amy Winehouse’s song with the same title. I actually don’t know if the song is her original song or she covered it, cause to be honest I just heard the song when I re-watched The Newsroom. Now when I think about it, I guess I have never heard Amy’s song before :| Try to search it on YouTube cause I am too lazy to insert the video or the link here xixixi. I really like the song, by the way.
For the last couple of days, I went to sleep with a heavy heart and woke up with one :((((( And I didn’t freaking know why. I was a bit anxious about surgery examination indeed…. but when I’ve finished my exam, I still could feel the tightness in my chest, the sadness that I felt for no reason… I cried when I was watching Scandal (yes because Olivia and Fitz romantic story is just the worst. Why didn’t she leave him soon?!). But guess what, tonight I won’t. I will go to sleep with not-so-heavy heart. And I still don’t know why. Maybe it was the hormones, after all. I’m being overly sensitive from the LH surge :)))
I never know that write a short blog post in English like this would be so hard. Need to take extra English classes, don’t you think?
Good night, good people.
Now that I have my laptop back and finally have some spare time (bye-bye, major department!) as the surgery department has finished few days ago, I’m back.
I actually have been trying to
write blog a bit before, via my smartphone or my iPad, but I just didn’t feel like it. I didn’t know why. In fact, tonight I don’t feel like writing, but I know I have to.
I’ve said before that writing is like a therapy, at least for me. It’s like seeing your therapist, except of course, you don’t have to pay to write on your own blog.
There are a lot going on in my mind now…. I mean… I’m approaching the end of my clinical rotation, and if everything goes well, I’m going to be a doctor one year from now. And it’s just there is a lot to think about. I’ve spent almost the whole last week watched Scandal from season 1-2, watched Running Man for I forgot how many episodes, re-watched The Newsroom and started watch The Big Bang Theory, and I’m actually really happy about that. It feels like it has been very loooooooong time since I had such a generous amount of me time, of me-doing-everything-I-wanted-to-do time.
I’m glad I can make it with this post. I know it’s short and haven’t revealed all the things I thought, but I guess it helps. Talking to my parents is not my thing because I know I will not get the answer I need or the answer I want to hear. Plus there’s always judgment. Boyfriend and best friends… well they get busy. They have their own lives and their own problems so… really, at the end of the day, all you have is yourself. And your blog. You gotta be your own hero because nobody will.
All right, I gotta go. Anesthesiology is starting tomorrow at 7. Wish me luck!