Today I learned about something.
Well, I had 50 patients today and it’s a hell of number (and a hell of work too).
These past days were pretty rough.
My friends and I were adjusting our life to the new environment, the working hours and the workloads, the hospital administration stuff, and we still need to prepare for our Mini-CEX and tutorial and blablablah.
These past days were incredibly tiring and exhausting, both physically and mentally.
And it was only 1 week out of 93 weeks we need to get through.
Sometimes, I feel like “Can I really do this? Am I going to make it?” and it scares me.
But today, there is one patient who’s going to receive chemo and she’s admitted to the ward.
She was in terrible pain, I bet on scale from one to ten it was nine.
I felt totally useless to saw her like that, I was thinking “Fuck what can I do I can do nothing“.
And yep, in fact, I did nothing at all.
I just tried my best comforting her and her family, I assessed her vital sign very carefully since I was afraid that I would hurt her–she seemed fragile, all I could do was making sure that she received the best treatment she could.
When she was already in her bed and I was about to leave, she said to me while holding her pain and her tears, “Dok, terimakasih banyak ya, matur nuwun sanget, maaf saya merepotkan, maaf saya merepotkan“.
That moment, I almost burst into tears.
Knowing that you actually do something for someone, no matter how small it is, gives me strength.
Indeed the upcoming 2 years will be really hard and difficult, and nobody said it’s gonna be easy.
Hell, it’s gonna be such a pain in the ass, but it’s gonna be worth it
You’re in the right path.